Student Ky Lang Reflects on the Positive Mindset STF Nurtures
How has STF and tennis challenged and rewarded your growth?
"Feet dragged against that rugged floor as a mild smell of burnt plastic rose through the dense air. He prepared for the serve, with movements, so elusive, the ball lifted from his palm while he exploded towards it. I choked the racket as if holding onto the only thing that could protect me from that devastating shot. Fingers gripped so hard it’s practically digging through the leather. Shot fired. Straggling my racket I nervously stepped up to block the projectile. My heart sank as the ball fell to the ground in a beat.
For the rest of the match, I held onto that one point as an expectation for futures’. Dissections of the point ran through my mind, evaluating every possibility of how that could have failed. From then on, every return was reminiscent of the one I hopelessly spectated as the ball dropped to the ground. And so, my expectations were right, If only I were good enough… I held onto that point the same way I held onto everything in life, unwilling to let go. Like the forsaken shoes with holes even rats can crawl through, the abundant withered pens that once colored the eyes of my portraits, and the old iPad with thousands of glass cracks as a reminder of my adolescence. I have the habit of holding onto the smallest and biggest of things. This tiny habit would clutter up my room, and sometimes it would even clutter my mind.
Like any young adult coming of age, I felt the need to carry the world on my shoulders. Holding on to every responsibility, past failures, and regrets. Disastrous test scores clung to my shoulders, game losses chained my thoughts, and failed jokes haunted my self-esteem. I lose conscience of the present, fully indulging myself in a serving of past mistakes. Again, these failures set an expectation of what would follow. A terrific score always means one more awaiting, a bad serve most likely results in another, a bad joke is a road to one more. If only something could have pulled me out of that endless cycle of failing and expecting. I lived in the comfort of this endless cycle, until my recent deep dive into journaling. I have always journaled; however, not quite extensively as I do now. I was used to writing a dull description of my day on emotionless papers; yet filled with life. Life in these pages, recorded as the ink bleeds memories but dries up mistakes. With journaling, I can openly express my feelings and know I'm the one who listens to these thoughts. Projections of my past experiences, yet ingrained within me the blunders. From within, I found a direct correlation between keeping past tennis points and past mistakes. Both forced me to stay disconnected from the present and lose focus on what truly matters. In tennis, only a point might be lost, but in life a whole future could be sold away.
Through STF's summer camp journaling sessions, I get to both play tennis and understand the mental side of the sport. Journaling allows me to swim through that ocean of thoughts, where I see regrets, happiness, excitement, and doubt. Yet none of them drowned me. Letting go had led me to realize what I never had thought, the past can’t be changed, the future is bright with uncertainty, and the now is a gift, which is why it is called the present. And so I step on that court again, not indulging myself in past mistakes but learning from my failures. And so I had loosened my grip, not only of the racket but also of the last game. And so I stepped confidently awaiting his attack. And so a mediocre test score no longer defines my intelligence. And so a failed -joke is yet to faze me. And so letting go of the past is the best path to the future. As a tennis player, I knew better than anyone, a “Love, 15” doesn’t lead to a “Game!”
Ky Lang
Betty Fairfax
Junior
2 years in STF
